Dealing with a proliferation of new trail users, the chronically underfunded Forest Service is considering imposing a radical revenue enhancer; a tax on selfies to help pay for a backlog of maintenance projects, increased search and rescue missions, and for crews to pick up after trash and deuce dropping hikers. “With so many hikers walking around in zombie like trances shooting photos of themselves willy-nilly and sometimes haphazardly—like in the middle of a bison herd during a rut, standing on a summit during an electrical storm, or seeing who can stand the closest to the edge of a cliff top without getting thier name in the newspaper; we thought how about making a little revenue off of them,” states Chief Ranger Frank Leeput.
“We certainly have the technology to do this,” says Marvin Hipstirtechie. Officials have reached out to Social media firms about imposing a nominal tax on every selfie posted. Basic selfies would only ding you for a penny. But the more attention-seeking, look-at-me-world-I need-all-the-likes-I-can-get-to get-through-this-week type photos will be met with a hefty fee. The plan is estimated to raise bazillions of much needed dollars for our parks and forests. But as expected, many smartphone toting hikers are not feeling the love. “Sure, tax my pics said no one ever” replied Ima Narcissitt as she dangled on a ledge in a contorted yoga pose. Unfortunately her interview was cut short as the laws of physics and probability kicked in.
Leeput says that a way not to pay the tax is to actually post photos of landscapes, wildlife, sunsets etc., without someone’s stupid grin in the image. “I mean really,” he remarks. “How many times have you been anticipating great pictures of the Grand Canyon or the Tetons and what you got instead was a close-up of someone’s awkward smile, cheap tattoo, or dare I say, their tetons!” The Forest Service is currently taking comments on their ambitious plan and welcome all to weigh in. Just please no selfies to describe how you feel about the proposal.
AND YES THIS WAS AN APRIL FOOL’S POST